HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
