Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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