You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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