if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
