Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
