Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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