So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
