allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
