I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
