Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
