I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
