Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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