Your dad touched me again.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
