i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
