a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
