That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
