I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
