Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
