shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
