I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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