I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
