that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
