so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
