Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
