so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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