did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
