Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
