Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
