I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
