when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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