problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
