$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
