Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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