Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
