I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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