apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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