And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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