I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
