Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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