yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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