Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
