It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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