I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
