It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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