i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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