The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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