youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
