Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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