dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
