Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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