There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
