We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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