so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
